Like you, I try to let go of the unfathomable life events that “should have come out differently because we prayed and we prayed…and we prayed”! The questions come back, though. I let them go and eventually the pain and the questions creep back in.
We are both human and we are spiritual. Our battle is in part because of our humanity. We experience real emotions and losses and questions. Our battle is also spiritual – the enemy is determined to win – so I don’t think we should be surprised that the battle rages on longer than we think it should…that the questions and the pain return…again and again.
I wonder if Job’s questions came back after he said this in Job 42:1-6:
2 “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ 5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”
In James, Mercy Triumphs, Melissa Moore says: “Being a child of God means accepting God is fully free to do as He sees fit and abiding in His core attributes. Our heritage as God’s people is to stand firmly on the platform of God’s person, knowing He moves exclusively in ways consistent with His covenant commitment, even if we cannot grasp them with finite minds.”
If we want to walk in joy, we really must come to the place where we can abide in His true core attributes. We will never make sense of life when we are attempting to fashion and then worship a God who does what we think He should do, or should have done.
He is God! Despite the fact that we will never be able to fully grasp who He is…we can trust His heart, His overarching plan, and His hand. We do not have to twist ourselves into knots trying to understand why something did or didn’t happen a certain way. We can choose to use that energy to rework and renew our understanding of who God really is.
When all else seems to be falling apart…when unspeakable and unreasonable pain comes into our lives…when we feel there is nothing left to believe in…there is this:
God is a trustworthy God.
In that knowledge, there is rest. There is peace. There will be increasingly frequent pockets of understanding and joy.
God is trustworthy…in that knowledge (faith)…there is healing.