Do you ever just get tired of yourself?
James 3:3-6 (NIV) 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
I sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time or speak up when I shouldn’t or don’t speak up when I should. So I can spend waaay too much time wondering if I should have or shouldn’t have (spoken up).
Like me, do you find you are asking yourself, “Did I say the right thing or did I say it the right way?” “Why did I say that?” “Why didn’t I say this?”
The conversation with yourself should sound like this: “Are you praying about your relationships? Are you asking God for wisdom before you visit with someone and then as you visit with him/her?” If you are, then as you enter the conversation or walk away from it…you can count on the fact that you spoke with His wisdom and His restraint!
The problem is…I have days when I am not as aware of Him and…just go about life. I intend to do good. I intend to be wise. I intend…. But without Him I can do nothing…nothing!
So, knowing that, why do I still get sidetracked from seeking Him and (instead) take on life in the moment…in my own strength?
In effect, I am saying to God, “I’ve got this.”
Seriously? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
I make me tired some days.
Sometimes a conversation has been complex enough that I know I don’t have the answers…but I try anyway…in my own strength. Then…I walk away second guessing myself instead of knowing in my heart that what was said (or not said) came from Him…from His strength…His heart…His wisdom.
You would think I would have this straight by now…be completely consistent. I realized again this week that I don’t.
But then, like the perfect Parent He is…God is there. God…who helps me to recognize my inconsistencies (sins). God who offers the blessing of His correction and…with my repentance, His loving forgiveness. He is there with His loving offer to help me regroup and to give me a fresh opportunity do life in His strength today and tomorrow. On top of that, He gives me that wonderful gift…the joy of knowing that He has me back on track.
For a while again, I will remember to listen when HE says…
“I’ve Got this!”